I know that if I can just make it through these next few days, everything will be all right. I know that. I also know these next few days are going to be sooooooo hella hard, and I know that because these last few days have been so unimaginably hard. I was able to get through them because I thought they were going to be the last, I kept telling myself, "it's okay if you only have one bag of popcorn left, and only one bottle of water left, you're getting money on monday, so it's okay. You'll g...

I'm so sad and I can't stop crying. I'm sooo broke and there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, up until now I've at least had change so I could do my laundry when I need to. I don't have any food except dried noodles for soup, salad dressing and salad topping stuff. I don't have any water, and the Morris water gives me diarrhea since I'm not used to it so I cant drink it or else I'll get sick... I only have seventy five cents to my name, that's all the money I have except for a few penn...

I never remembered crap about my childhood before, just the HUGE events. Christ, I can barely remember any of my friends throughout all of elementary and middle school. But this music is bringing it all back, and it's all coming so strong it's like flashbacks. I'm getting a rush of adrenaline from remembering. THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I REMEMBER MY YOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Things are really changing around here, in my life. A lot of things are happening. I've been changing, changing, changing and everything is in the process right now. I know that things are changing, I can feel it, I can see it. I'm not sure, but it might be wonderful. "Was it come as a surprise to think that I was so naive? Maybe didn't mean that much but it meant everything to me." It's weird. I've made my way back to my roots and I almost feel like I've reached a balance. Or I'm tryi...

I've got a good feeling in my stomach. I'm looking at things like they haven't been seen in ages. But I'm lonely, lonely, lonely, looking for a little romance... Looking for a little love... It's the perfect time of year and I'm seeing it with these new eyes. But it is so beautiful to me, everything is so beautiful to me, and I hate that I don't get enough time to see it, to feel it, to taste it, to touch it, and I need to. I hate that I am trapped in a schedule and I can't wai...

I am without love, but not in the whole sense... Just that one love that everyone parades around and brags about and is just all cutesy and shit about. I have friends and family and all of that stuff, and sure they care about me, but there's this big gaping hole in me that had been filled for so long, and now I feel like I've finally emptied it, and it sucks, you know? When there isn't someone you're constantly pining over, thinking about, caring about, loving, you know, that BS. I guess in...

Don't you feel like that sometimes? I do. So tonight a friend from my hometown (who moved fairly near where I go to school) called me tonight, and we're talking, and then she mentions something about someone saying that I picked up a really bad drug habit, or something along those lines, like, hard drug habit or what was it, that I'm really into hard drugs right now and I'm like, uh, what? It was a funny thought first of all because where I was at the time was a Christian coffee shop wh...

This isn't going to be a really whiny blog. It's more of an observation sheet. I've noticed how people don't listen to me. It happens a lot. Someone will be talking to me, and oftentimes when I attempt at replying, in a moment of silence when I'm clearly supposed to reply, and I start to reply, they interrupt me and change the subject. Or whenever I'm trying to tell a story or say anything about myself at all they ignore me and talk about something else. That's so degrading and...

If you could only see what love has made of me, then I'd no longer be the difficult kind. And you would know what's in this heart. My friends Aaron and Reed were in my room for a little bit last night. Aaron left a note on my door asking whether he left his wallet in here or not. I've been in a weird-ass, emotional, yet detached mood all day, and I looked at the note, walked in, stood in the middle of my room repeating the word "wallet" with some confusion. And there it hit me, in my d...

I don't know and I don't care if I ever will see you again... And it comes to mind that as soon as I say that I think the opposite, and I feel so vengeful. Wish for a perfect setting? Wishing that I am letting you take me where you want me all over again? You can't give yourself absolutely to someone else. Anyone else. And I'm angry. I hate everything about the way everything turned out, and there are few days when it doesn't cross my mind how fucked up things were, always were. ...

I live the life that I created in dreams. Seems strange, doesn't it? I mean, there's hardly a thing in my life right now that I wouldn't have dreamed of having when I was younger, except for the fact that I'm fuckin fat. But even the issues surrounding that would have been so chic for me. I was a twisted kid. I was depressed in my formative years, and I detested happy people. I could not relate to a happy person. I loved the people you knew had problems, the people who could be sad....

It isn't raining outside or in. I can't cry. I daydreamed earlier about it, when I was leaving class. I imagined that she (me) would go into her room and lay on her bed and just cry, in desolation by the fact that she's got kid-bangs because she singed her bangs NOT once, but TWICE and had to cut them even shorter. She cries also because she needs love soooo much and she is soooo utterly alone. She hasn't felt any love whatsoever in God knows how long, from anyone at all. She's like ...

It seems like a ridiculous thought to "get help". My bangs aren't all so bad, and I know it. Don't get me wrong, I still have them passionately, but I've seen people do MUCH more damage with their bangs than me (APRIL!!!). Things seem like they're being ridiculously dramatic. I thought I wanted to write, but I've decided I don't. Fuck that. Fuck it.

I burned my bangs today. They were at THE PERFECT length. Just right. Just the way I had always wanted them. And then I got up and looked at my hair in the mirror. There was a funny light beige thing coated on the ends of some, and i instantly knew, even though I'd never seen it before. My hair was BURNED. Severely. I had to cut my bangs shorter!!! Tragic. And sooo friggin depressing. i had my little sad attack and now I'm better. Mostly because I can't see it... My mood is goi...

I'm having an actual heart attack. Actually it is a panic attack because of the huge wave of pain that has engulfed me because of the music I am listening to. I mean I am really shaking, and I really am having a panic attack, so it does suck... I feel as if I'm being swept in, swept under, to continue on with my life as it is because right now the "as it is" is almost unbearable already. It's been triggered by a huge number of things, starting with the fact that I am flat broke (ab...