Well, I have to start out by saying I DIDN'T believe in love. I didn't believe in the capabilities of myself, either... Well, I do now. I kept saying I wanted to find my kind... I think I did. At a party last night. The most amazing guy in the universe. I don't even want to spend my time explaining it all, but he was wonderful. WONDERFUL!! I want to dance and sing in the rain, hug everyone, cry uncontrollably. How did i ever meet such an amazing person?? How did I ever get such an amazing person...

Well clarity has been coming for days. It started, hmm... Maybe two weeks ago when I was thinking about my ex, Stacy (he's a boy, he just has weird parents, maybe?) I just started getting cheery. I felt good, good, good, and then I found out my other ex, Ben, got my ex best friend pregnant, and I was scared that I would get depressed again, since I just had been, and while depressed I had a problem getting over Ben. I thought this would send me right back down again. I have a poem for that: Tho...

Here I am in Morris again. Damn it! I don't want to be here! I'm so far from home And money This sucks. Actually it's really not that bad. I am going to miss my bed and my dog amd my friends, and especially my MAMA... but besides that I'm not that bad off. I mean, now I don't have to see either Megan, Ben, or his family EVERY FREAKING DAY. But on the other hand now I WILL have homework. In all honesty, though, I'd way rather be doing homework than seeing BEN EVERY DAY. Or, yeah. But anyway, ...

I'm going back to school on Sunday. In two days. I definitely don't have enough time in two days to get done what I wanted to get done during break. I haven't even had a hair cut!!! I don't have coke, I need more weed, and I haven't called: Trevor, Dennis, Ryan, Stacy, Shannon, or Amber; and I haven't partied with my sister, and I just haven't done enough! I didn't go skiiing, or sledding!!! Ah! Second semester is falling down on me like a black cloud!!! Just kidding. Well, spring semester IS...

December 30 Tomorrow could be a very important night for my love life, or at LEAST my chance of getting some temporary action. It's rather ironic, really. Well, no, it's more sad. I feel like a withered old cross dresser painting his wrinkled, worn face with rouge, not because he knows he looks good but because he is clinging to a lifestyle he has definitely lost the touch for. Yet he cannot let his former glory go because he knows what the future holds-he will die cold and alone in an equall...

I want to be real. There is nothing i want more than anything than to be real. That's all I want. And I don't even know what real IS!! It's so weird, but I feel like I'm not who I should be, I don't know why. Haha I want to be a rock star, of course. I can sing, I could easily do it... At least, I think so. I don't forsee any problems that would for some reason... Not let me do it. Of course, I don't have a band, or anything. But really, that's not it either. Christ, who DOESN'T want to be a roc...

I woke up depressed today. I can't remember the last time that happened, no matter what happened the night before. I usually wake up with a smile, or at least a veil of confusion and forget. (Sleep's beautiful, huh?) But not today. So after my shower, I put some depression music on, and while listening to Manson's Man That You Fear, it hit me. Like a tidal wave. I got angry. Furious, really. When I get angry, it's not like I just say, God Damn it! When I'm angry, I'm REALLY angry. Like, deeply, ...

God I wasn't ready for any of this. I can't sleep, I'm physically ill, I feel like I have a fucking fever. I don't want to deal with this. I shouldn't have to. I should be able to sit in my own private fantasy for as long as I want, and that would be forever in my ideal world. Then I can pretend that nothing ever happened, that I'm NOT insanely and unmovably depressed... Well I can't go on in this stupid pretend mode. I gotta do it for Christ sakes and I gotta do it now. Even if I feel like ...

Tonight was probably one of the most painful nights I've had in quite a while. It turns out Megan brought my depression blogs over to my mom, who called me up and more or less screamed at me and made me feel like shit. Like there's something wrong with the fact that I have depression issues, or something. Yeah I am doing fine now. Jesus Christ I don't even know what to say. So I emailed Megan, and damn it was so mature of me, even if she did so to spite me. God I'm so sick of this shit. I was ge...

Ok, someone replied to my "Many Reasons Why I'm Attractive" article, and called me a liar, and said half the things on my list are in my head. And then said I don't burp in front of guys. So I'm issuing a pissed-off reply. Damn it! I'm not a liar! 1 is true because I had braces for almost 2 years and my teeth are white, damn it. 2 is true well Jesus I like my smile! 3 YES I HAVE BIG SOFT LIPS! Sorry if I like them and I know I'm not the only one who does! 4 ok yes my eyes are dark, the...

Well I've been getting advice from people that the most important thing in finding love is to find happiness within yourself. AHA! Then I'm in luck! I just won another battle with depression. It was tough, and I took a lot of blows, but I'm okay. No tell-tale scars this time around... It's weird to be okay. Of course, it's not the first time, or anything! It's just weird to see the sun after so many days of darkness. It's refreshing. And I feel good. Is it true happiness? Who the hell ...

Well, I felt a need to add a list of my very own. I apologize for the confusion I made with my last article (44 reasons, or how ever many they were). I labeled it incorrectly. I started a short list in my diary that I expanded online, and in my diary I named it "Reasons why guys should find me attractive." Sorry about the confusion. The following is a list of reasons why I like myself, because I DON'T rate myself the same way as I feel men would rate me, in the previous article. Does that make s...

Reasons I'm cute enough (and SHOULD be) for guys: 1: I have straight, WHITE teeth 2: I have a gorgeous smile 3: I have kissable, big, soft lips 4: My eyes are dark and mysterious 5: My skin is relatively clear--no bad acne! 6: My hair is freaking beautiful-long, brown, and soft as hell! 7: I have gorgeous dark skin 8: I'm a lovely singer 9: I have curves-- NICE ass and visible tits 10: I always smell scrumptious 11: My skin is silky smooth 12: I have great taste in clothes (and my ...

Before I start, I suppose I should explain. The following is a list of things I've always wanted to do before I die. Some of them I have done, some of them I have not. I guess it's kind of like a personal goals list, only it won't be TERRIBLE if I don't get them all done by the time I'm 70. It's just one of those things. Read on, and see which ones you've done, or want to. And just so you know, I'll probably be adding new ones like, every day. ~Anne Before I die, I want to: 1. Go skinny...

I have to write on my intense jealousy of American writers in Paris at the turn of the century and into the twenties and thirties. They were so damn lucky!!!! Explanation: In my Paris class, we're reading a book called Women of the Left Bank which is over all kind of boring, I suppose, if you don't spend every waking moment wishing to be a writer surrounded by other amazing writers and artists. Especially in an amazing place like 1900's Paris. We're also reading The Autobiography of A...