Right Here Right Now

Published on November 17, 2004 By Tangled Wishes In Blogging

Song lyrics going through my head:

"Only God says jump
So I set the time
'Cause if he ever saw it
It was through these eyes of mine!
And if he ever suffered it was me who did his crying"

"it's better to burn out than to fade away"

"cause i can't live
with or without you"

Doing: three or four things at once--writing this blog, writing a paper that's due at 2:30, i think, or 1:30 anyhow and i'm skipping a class to finish it, smoking a oney, and listening to a playlist.

Playlist Name: Is This It?

Sample of Songs in Playlist:
Cortez the Killer by N.Y.
Spanish Harlem Incident by C.W.
Sad Lisa by C.S.
Whiskey Lullaby
New Favorite by A.K.

Room Temperature: fairly cold, my hands are like ice cubes, but my hair is wet so that affects something

Mood: probably pretty shitty. I'm listening to probably one of my own personal most depressing playlists, I must be pretty depressed. just haven't thought about it.

Interesting Tidbits:
I just looked down at my lap and it was covered with hair from my head. My hair is falling out at an alarming rate!!! It's okay, I've already had this happen once before

My hair started thinning out once before. And I'm a frickin GIRL!

When I was taking a shower this morning I was thinking about someone I had sex with, and I thought to myself "that was during a time when it was okay to see mee naked" and my mind immediately skipped. Eugh I just don't even want to describe what it jumped to, it just makes me SICK, but thats the best way to heal, isn't it? This is what I'm supposed to be doing, right? Well anyway I just sort of suddenly remembered a certain boyfriend leaning over drunken me and playing with me and two other guys standing over me with their pants off and me thinking "i cannot do this i will not do this please don't make me do this please someone help me i cant stand up i cant talk i cant scream for help i can't say no please dont do this to me please dont do this to me!" i kept calling out over and over again in my mind for Trevor...

Anyway that's the memory, true as far as I can recall, probably not the exact wording but damn close.

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