So it's somewhere around official moving day for me. I of course cannot stay in my apartment until Sunday when my mum brings my furniture down to Morris and then I have a bed. I of course have only packed two boxes here so far: one has half of my clothes (the stuff that is either seasonal or not worn often) and the other one has my movies and some odds and ends. Nothing important has been packed. Nothing important has happened at all... It doesn't look like I'm moving, it just looks like I'm messy (which of course I am). It's pretty gross actually. So is my hair. I came back from a French test at ten this morning and slept straight through to one. I got like six hours of sleep last night, too, so hmm. But three more hours can never be bad!!!!
I fucked Molly over this weekend, she was really pissed. Lol. I guess my friends and I have been doing things like this to each other forever, so I didn't even worry about that she's never really had friends before. Not like Kris and all of them didn't want her to come along, anyhow. They were the ones who said not to bring her, so I didn't. But either way I didn't really care and I didn't really feel bad either because that's just a part of my personality: I flake out on people. They flake out on me too. It's just what happens... ya always gotta have more than one friend so you can do something if you get ditched.
I flaked out on Amber a lot too. She was in Starbuck this weekend and flaked out on me for the SECOND time in her life. She never did that to me, and I have a million times. Especially after graduation and after "picking" Rachel over her, but of course I realized that I can be friends with whoever I want to, and dear me I hope Amber knows that I'll love her no matter what!! Sometimes I feel like she's the only one who truly understands me, having been there and seen all of my problems at the same time similar shitty things were happening to her. We HAVE opened up to each other, no one's seen me cry harder than her and probably vice versa... But we also don't have to say anything, I sure know by the tone of her voice and the expressions on her face what's going on, and probably she still can tell with me too. So that means she's my closest friend ever, I guess. Shanny and I don't do that kind of stuff... Shanny and I have a friendship like the one I have with most other people: I don't open up too much, she doesn't open up too much. Just the way it is.
There is most of my relationships NOW in a nutshell. You can tell me a few things and I'll tell you a few things but I'm gojng to be an iceberg and only 10 percent of my emotions will show and the rest will be unfathomable. I of course will probably never fully open up to anyone else. I guess though by not opening up to them it's easier for me to keep them as friends: I don't test them to the extremes that I can, and I wouldn't submit them to days, weeks, and sometimes even months of ignoring purely because I've got issues. I mean, just ask Jessica or Amber. They could tell you.
JESSICA! Jessica IS the only other friend I've opened up to! I love that cat. She's a kook too.
t.w.