It hit me like a freight train today. I'm moving home in less than a week. School will be over. My friends and I will be scattered about the midwest. I'm moving home on Friday, and will be stuck there for the rest of the summer. I'll have to work all the time. I'm moving home. Holy fuck. I don't want to go home. I don't want to be there. I don't want to live with my parents. I don't want to have to answer to someone. I don't want to do any of that. And I really don't want to be in...

I am supposed to find a poetic (or not poetic) song for extra credit in my lit class. This sounds like the easiest assignment in the world, if you are not a poetic genius/freak. I listen to songs for A) their musical quality and their lyrical quality. Of course, the songs I pick for lit are based solely on their lyrical content, and the music doesn't come into play at all. That, of course, annoys me. I have many songs that I find awesomely amazing, because of both their poetry and the...

Today's one of those days when I want to hang that Happy Bunny sign outside my door. I don't need to, though, because no one visits me. I'm actually glad of that right now. I don't need to use any of my limited energy to go to the damn door and pick up that damn sign and hang it up. Thank God. I just don't want to talk to anyone today. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to hear anyone's voice, except for the voices that are singing on my iTunes and realplayer. No one else. No t...

Tonight I'm not going to drink. It will be the second night in two weeks. It's a good idea. I felt like SHIT this morning when I woke up. Well, that's a lie, I didn't wake up until about 1:15. But I felt like shit. Maybe even beyond just "shit." I mean, I was freaking DEPRESSED. It was scary. Like, masochistic-depressed. That's not good. But, around two-thirty, something changed and I feel great. Cold, but great. I'm trying to listen to really happy/hyper songs and continue being ...

I well I have a problem!! My thumb... well, it's pretty stoned. We celebrated for 4-20 but well you know there's somthing wrong with the head on my thumb. It thinks it wants to break itself. Oh it's making me mad, it's bending soooo wrong! Thumbs ain't supposed to bend that way. But my mind is trying to control it's movents.... So it's not breaking, but it's trying so damn hard!!! I'm having a problem typing with these findger s right now. I'm deleteing a lot of mistakes, but this o...

OK i started watching Taxi Driver with Deniro today. I didn't get too far into it because I had to do a lot of shizott, but I wanna know what everybody thinks of this movie. Is it good? Is it gross, bad, scary, nice, funny, what? And how about Scorcese. I want to know about his cult following. ~Anne

Ok, so my telephone is a complete POS. Its battery went dead this weekend when I was home, so I put it on the charger and after about two minutes it started ringing to alert me that I had some new voice messages. Well I waited for a while before I listened to them so the phone wouldn't go dead on me, and then I deleted them. Well fucking shit phone still kept ringing. At first it was every five minutes or so, and then there were a few ten minutes pauses, and then the shit hit the fan. Fuck...

Anyone who reads my blogs realizes that I have a big problem with changing. I mean, I thought I had changed from the person I was before I started college, and that made me very unhappy. But, this weekend, I realized that I am still an emotional vampire. I choose not to explain this, because it makes me out as a bad person, which I am. But I don't feel like explaining exactly what the emotional vampire means. I was so excited to find that deep down inside I really haven't, even if ma...

I just can't seem to shake these blues. I have times of happiness, no doubt, but... I still get down. I don't like it. I'm trying to regulate my zoloft-taking, because I am a big dumb head who constantly forgets to take it, and if I don't take it the results are VERY BAD!!! I should be happy!!! I have a BUNCH of alcohol in my fridge. Three bottles of wine (albeit one is small), a bottle of Raz, Raspberry schnapps, and then a six pack of smirnoff triple black and amaretto, but the la...

I have a major confession to make. It's kind of weird, so you have to forgive me for saying this. And my friends that read this blog are gonna give me soooo much shit!!! Lol!! Good thing I'm druuuuunnnnkkkk right now and am not worried about that. Otherwise I wouldn't admit it. Oh wait I just revealed my wee confession. That is: I am drunk! At 9:50 pm!!!! Muahahahah! And it's fucking TUESDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!! Okay. For the huge big time confession. OMG I so don't want to say this. ...

I light a candle in my window And a candle in my heart I wipe a tear from my eye This death do we part I hold the hand of a friend And the memories in my mind Of all the love and laughter That you left behind The flags still fly at half-mast We still live our lives But I would give all of my life To give you one more night The country sings the glories That you gave your life for And though we miss you dearly We love you even more I light a candle in my window I wipe ...

I'm back at school finally. I don't want to be here. I'm lonely, and my closest friends, the ones I hang out with all the time, are dating, well, each other. It's not bad at all, I just get lonely sometimes. Maybe I'm jealous that I don't have anyone to hang out with anymore. That sucks. I feel just overall kind of down. I'm gonna take my zoloft in a minute... But that's not it. It's everything else, you know? I mean, it's boys. It's the situation that's going on with my family. It's...

So I've spent this entire day trying to find a way to just escape from the grief. I took a successful nap, but I just can't nap all day and night. I would wake up around 2 am and not be able to fall back asleep and then I'd be in an even worse conundrum than I already am in. I tried watching tv, and found myself flipping through the news, and there he was, staring back at me. Poor Moy. On two news channels. I just lay in my bed and bawled my little eyes out. My sweatshirt sleeves are still...

Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven I must be strong And carry on 'Cause I know I don't belong Here in heaven Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven I'll find my way Through night and day 'Cause I know I just can't stay Here in heaven Time can bring you down Time can bend your knee Time can break your heart Have you beggin' please Beggin' please Beyond the doo...

Another classmate of mine died in Iraq. I found out this morning. It's been less than a month.