I'm trying hard to remember the title and/or lyrics and/or artist to a song that came out in the late eighties or early nineties. It's sort of a love song, and I think it's a duet... Pretty much all I can remember is that the chorus has something to do with love, and it's about people who might not be in love, or maybe they are, but they're lying and spying and all that stuff. I know this is sooo vague but it was a really popular song at the time and it's probably still played on mellow ra...

It's gushing time!! I don't write too many of these blogs, I suppose since I don't feel this way all too often anymore!! But here it is anyway, a description of the new boy in my life: Okay so he's in my human sexuality class and he sits in front of me. I never noticed him until probably three or four weeks ago, and the instant I glimpsed him, I thought to myself, I can see myself getting a crush on him. Despite the fact that he isn't physically my type really at all... He's blond when ...

I am progressing. I am moving through past hurts slowly, but I am still moving, and progressing, and accomplishing. I have finally gotten some real closure with the BIG issue in my heart and mind, the thing that took up most of my thoughts, the thing that most affected me. I'm finally able to love again, finally able to date again, finally AVAILABLE, really truly available. I'm finally able to say "enough is enough" and that I won't be there for him again. I won't let myself be hu...

I had a pretty good weekend. I left this morning with the sunrise. I haven't seen the sunrise in a few years now and it's pretty much the only thing I miss about big time partying. I guess I miss that about dating too. Joe spent the night Friday night. Nothing to report, i probably snored or something totally embarrassing like that. He's a good guy. I'm considering another guy that I have already been interested in for a few weeks now, and I'm pretty sure he's interested in me. I ha...

I know that if I can just make it through these next few days, everything will be all right. I know that. I also know these next few days are going to be sooooooo hella hard, and I know that because these last few days have been so unimaginably hard. I was able to get through them because I thought they were going to be the last, I kept telling myself, "it's okay if you only have one bag of popcorn left, and only one bottle of water left, you're getting money on monday, so it's okay. You'll g...

I'm so sad and I can't stop crying. I'm sooo broke and there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, up until now I've at least had change so I could do my laundry when I need to. I don't have any food except dried noodles for soup, salad dressing and salad topping stuff. I don't have any water, and the Morris water gives me diarrhea since I'm not used to it so I cant drink it or else I'll get sick... I only have seventy five cents to my name, that's all the money I have except for a few penn...

So I'm feeling pretty lucky. I'm about out of pot, and yet I have some friends that want to smoke with me often, and don't mind that I don't have it (of course I've smoked my pot with them, no problem). And also my friend Kris shares cigarettes with me, like all the time, so when I get my moolah I'm going to reward her with a new pack!!! MONEY! And it's coming so soon, I can barely contain myself. I AM COMING INTO A LARGE SUM OF MONEY IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE!!! It's like a fortune from...

I never remembered crap about my childhood before, just the HUGE events. Christ, I can barely remember any of my friends throughout all of elementary and middle school. But this music is bringing it all back, and it's all coming so strong it's like flashbacks. I'm getting a rush of adrenaline from remembering. THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I REMEMBER MY YOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Things are really changing around here, in my life. A lot of things are happening. I've been changing, changing, changing and everything is in the process right now. I know that things are changing, I can feel it, I can see it. I'm not sure, but it might be wonderful. "Was it come as a surprise to think that I was so naive? Maybe didn't mean that much but it meant everything to me." It's weird. I've made my way back to my roots and I almost feel like I've reached a balance. Or I'm tryi...

I've got a good feeling in my stomach. I'm looking at things like they haven't been seen in ages. But I'm lonely, lonely, lonely, looking for a little romance... Looking for a little love... It's the perfect time of year and I'm seeing it with these new eyes. But it is so beautiful to me, everything is so beautiful to me, and I hate that I don't get enough time to see it, to feel it, to taste it, to touch it, and I need to. I hate that I am trapped in a schedule and I can't wai...

I am without love, but not in the whole sense... Just that one love that everyone parades around and brags about and is just all cutesy and shit about. I have friends and family and all of that stuff, and sure they care about me, but there's this big gaping hole in me that had been filled for so long, and now I feel like I've finally emptied it, and it sucks, you know? When there isn't someone you're constantly pining over, thinking about, caring about, loving, you know, that BS. I guess in...

Don't you feel like that sometimes? I do. So tonight a friend from my hometown (who moved fairly near where I go to school) called me tonight, and we're talking, and then she mentions something about someone saying that I picked up a really bad drug habit, or something along those lines, like, hard drug habit or what was it, that I'm really into hard drugs right now and I'm like, uh, what? It was a funny thought first of all because where I was at the time was a Christian coffee shop wh...

This isn't going to be a really whiny blog. It's more of an observation sheet. I've noticed how people don't listen to me. It happens a lot. Someone will be talking to me, and oftentimes when I attempt at replying, in a moment of silence when I'm clearly supposed to reply, and I start to reply, they interrupt me and change the subject. Or whenever I'm trying to tell a story or say anything about myself at all they ignore me and talk about something else. That's so degrading and...

If you could only see what love has made of me, then I'd no longer be the difficult kind. And you would know what's in this heart. My friends Aaron and Reed were in my room for a little bit last night. Aaron left a note on my door asking whether he left his wallet in here or not. I've been in a weird-ass, emotional, yet detached mood all day, and I looked at the note, walked in, stood in the middle of my room repeating the word "wallet" with some confusion. And there it hit me, in my d...

I don't know and I don't care if I ever will see you again... And it comes to mind that as soon as I say that I think the opposite, and I feel so vengeful. Wish for a perfect setting? Wishing that I am letting you take me where you want me all over again? You can't give yourself absolutely to someone else. Anyone else. And I'm angry. I hate everything about the way everything turned out, and there are few days when it doesn't cross my mind how fucked up things were, always were. ...