I am an example of the roller coaster of life. I am an example of a good kid gone wrong. I am an example of the party girl, marijuana as the gateway drug, how sex is a bad thing, and why teenage girls should not go to parties, and if they should, they most certainly should not drink. I am an example. I am also a number, a face in the crowd, one of millions of others who have both come before and come after me. I am exactly like so many other people out there that sometimes I forget I exis...

December 30 Tomorrow could be a very important night for my love life, or at LEAST my chance of getting some temporary action. It's rather ironic, really. Well, no, it's more sad. I feel like a withered old cross dresser painting his wrinkled, worn face with rouge, not because he knows he looks good but because he is clinging to a lifestyle he has definitely lost the touch for. Yet he cannot let his former glory go because he knows what the future holds-he will die cold and alone in an equall...

The category of "punk rock" is a topic that I have brought up and complained about countless times with my friends. It happens to be one of those things that hits the sore spot, and I feel as though I should support the beloved punk rock genre. Just recently, I was reading an online article that listed popular bands in several genres. I agreed with mostly everything I saw, until the part that read "punk" and followed with Simple Plan and Good Charlotte. This reminds me of a conversation I had...

Who knows of the darkness out there, the true darkness, not the one that comes in the evening, but the one that snuffs out not just light, but, hopes, dreams, loves, and needs in a grasp that is somehow impossible to loosen? I'm not speaking of the thing that we fall asleep to, not the absence of light, but the absence of life. The feeling in the deepest corners of your heart and mind, the thing that may sneak up on you when you're not expecting it, or perhaps hangs as a cloud over your everyday...

I want to be real. There is nothing i want more than anything than to be real. That's all I want. And I don't even know what real IS!! It's so weird, but I feel like I'm not who I should be, I don't know why. Haha I want to be a rock star, of course. I can sing, I could easily do it... At least, I think so. I don't forsee any problems that would for some reason... Not let me do it. Of course, I don't have a band, or anything. But really, that's not it either. Christ, who DOESN'T want to be a roc...

We are lovers true and through and though We made it through the storm I really want you to realize I really want to put you on I've been searching for someone to Satisfy my every need Won't you be my inspiration, Be the real love that I need Real love, I'm searching for a real love Someone to set my heart free Real love, I'm searching for a real love Oooh, when I met you I just knew that You would take my heart and run Until you told me how you felt for me You said I'm not the...

Well... I'm going to start with: "I know this sounds totally crazy, but I'm being honest. This is what I really think and feel, from the bottom of my heart: "I have never met anyone who's made me feel this way in so short a time. I've never wanted to see someone again as much as I've wanted to see you. I've never been so amazed by someone I hardly know. I don't want to be all obsessive or freaky or anything, but you are just... Wow. "I also wanted to let you know that you're a great kisser. I...

Here I am again... Guess what I'm thinking about. The man. He is amazing. Like, a neverending inspiration to me. I want to see him again. If I do see him again, there are a million things I want to say to him. First of all I will probably have to say that I probably sound crazy, or something, but I don't care I feel so good. And then I'm going to tell him I've had the best last however many days it's been since I saw him last. And that I can't seem to concentrate on anything, my God, I've been ...

Well clarity has been coming for days. It started, hmm... Maybe two weeks ago when I was thinking about my ex, Stacy (he's a boy, he just has weird parents, maybe?) I just started getting cheery. I felt good, good, good, and then I found out my other ex, Ben, got my ex best friend pregnant, and I was scared that I would get depressed again, since I just had been, and while depressed I had a problem getting over Ben. I thought this would send me right back down again. I have a poem for that: Tho...

Okay so we all know this guy was amazing. And if I don’t ever get to see him again I will just die. I will just collapse. Actually I will never know if I get to see him or not (or if I did, I guess) until I’m in my death bed. DAMN IT! I WANT TO KNOW NOW! Oh if I only knew what he’s thinking right now. Whether he’s thought of me at all. And if so, was it regret? And what would that regret be?? Everything was perfect, what would be wrong? Why would there be no further communication? Damn it he doe...

I met the guy of my dreams. I want to cry just thinking of his face, and thinking about how much too much credit I'm putting into this. It's honestly a bit obsessive and ridiculous. There's no way he could have been as affected as me. He couldn't have prayed to meet someone so much like himself, like I prayed to meet someone so much like MYself. He couldn't have felt like giving up, like I did. He couldn't have meant those things he said to me... People at parties never mean it. (He only had two...

Well, I have to start out by saying I DIDN'T believe in love. I didn't believe in the capabilities of myself, either... Well, I do now. I kept saying I wanted to find my kind... I think I did. At a party last night. The most amazing guy in the universe. I don't even want to spend my time explaining it all, but he was wonderful. WONDERFUL!! I want to dance and sing in the rain, hug everyone, cry uncontrollably. How did i ever meet such an amazing person?? How did I ever get such an amazing person...

Here I go again. Biggest hit i can remember. Just joking. I have had more. Isn't anyone interested in an ex teenage rock star who smokes a hell of a lot too much weed? I guess not. My themes are all the same. What ifs and what nots. Who needs what ifs? I sure don't. I've made so many wrong decisions in my life it's like a gigantic what if, and i think if i ask, i would end up dying. I've got a good what if... What if i don't find my lighter? Dont worry, i did. But no. I can't say what if to ever...

Guess who's smoking her steamroller again!! I found my lighter, too, in a drawer. Strange i put it there... Oh well, not much of what I do makes sense! Jesus, sometimes i feel so pretty! Lonely, too. It's okay, the weed is currently doing for me what i need. Okay, so it doesn't give me sexual pleasure, but it makes me forget about needing some. Shit! I was just smoking with my retainers in. That means they're gonna taste like weed smoke for at least three days. AUGH! I hate when i do that!!! L...

It's 5:25 pm and i just got back from the most forgetful dinner ever. Corn dogs pudding and mashed potatoes, thats what i ate. And i didn't enjoy it, not really. I want to make ramen later. My room smells terrible like weed. I found out that my ex best friend Megan is living with my ex Ben now in his parents' garage, she's pregnant and works at walmart. Stupid fuckers who don't go to college and get pregnant when they're 19. Must've been her birthday present, or his. Thank God not mine, and when...