Well clarity has been coming for days. It started, hmm... Maybe two weeks ago when I was thinking about my ex, Stacy (he's a boy, he just has weird parents, maybe?) I just started getting cheery. I felt good, good, good, and then I found out my other ex, Ben, got my ex best friend pregnant, and I was scared that I would get depressed again, since I just had been, and while depressed I had a problem getting over Ben. I thought this would send me right back down again. I have a poem for that:
Thought Wrong (by me)
Thought it might bring me down
Thought things would turn around
Things had been feeling so well
Thought they might all go to hell

Thought you still ruled my heart
Thought this would tear it apart
Thought I'd be hurt for so long
Turns out I was wrong

You can't touch me anymore
I forgot what I loved you for
I don't want your used-up goods
I laugh to think I ever would

It's good to know that I'm still happy
It's good to know that you don't rule me
I like to know I'm finally done
Wondering if you're my only one.

So yeah. It didn't bring me down. I did get down for a little while, God knows why, after... I just broke down. And got into a fight with my wonderful friend Rachel. It sucked. I was depressed, for a little while. I was convinced I was ugly and no guy would ever like me. WOOH! Was I ever wrong. It kind of got, well, pushed in my face that I must have something... Looking in the mirror now, I see what other people see. The tangles of gauze and fabric draped around my face was swept off in one look, and I was beautiful. I AM beautiful. I know that it gave me a lot of confidence that such an insanely gorgeous guy like "Him" would give me attention, and I thank him. I also thank God, because he brought me to the place that I am. I know a lot more than I would have without having done all this. Now I've met the person I want to be. I might not quite be her yet, but I can see what she looks like, and she's beautiful. And real. Not fake. I love who I am now, and who I am becoming. It's okay that I haven't always been so beautiful inside and out, we all grow through it. I feel so amazing inside, it's like flying, or something, and I feel amazing outside. I MUST be amazing. God made me the way I am, and I like me this way. Amen.