Sometimes I feel utterly and completely alone in this world.
That's a really sad-sounding comment, I know, but I'm not sad... Being sad and being alone are two different feelings, and right now, I don't feel sad, just alone, confused, and lost.
The problem is, I don't really feel like I fit in in this world. It's not that I don't have friends, because I do, and they're wonderful caring etc. It's also not that I'm a loser or anything (yes you can have be a loser and still have friends). I've always been more or less popular, and I can confidently say that I'm pretty cool. Whatever that means, I guess.
It's more like, I don't feel like I totally fit into this whole era, time, whatever you want to call it. It's not like I wear totally weird, unstylish clothes--I feel like I have a pretty cool sense of style--I wear what I like and I like what I wear. And I have nice hair, and makeup abound... But that doesn't really make anyone fit in to the whole real scheme of things. It might have mattered in high school, but I never really cared about all that anyway. I'm not overly political, but I strongly believe in gay rights and legalizing marijuana, but I'm not really all that liberal, or conservative either, because I like drinking, partying, having sex, pretty much enjoying your life and your body for what they are... I'm not overly religious, in fact, I really don't know very much about God at all. I know bible stories, and that kind of stuff, but I guess in grade school they don't teach you much about what God is and what he really means, but more about Jonas and Jesus and the fish, and the disciples, and stuff. Not what you really need to know when you're older, when you're questioning things.
I just don't know where I fit in. I mean, read my record collection! And my CDs are predominantly oldies and classic rock, with a mix of weird things. In fact, that's what I am am... a mix of weird things.
I just wish I knew where I fit in. I wish there was someone, anyone, out there who has beliefs and ideas and likes like I do, so we could talk to each other, and discuss things, as intellectual peers who share a lot of my opinions. Or any of them, really.
It makes me feel very very alone. I know a few people who I click with very well, and we share some opinions, but it's all limited. God, I don't know.
The one thing I do know is I AM alone. I'm not only searching my own soul, but searching for others, and so far I haven't found a single thing.
Maybe I am destined to be alone, forever.