Candlebox always said it better than me. Fuck Hallmark, huh.

Well I might as well get to the true purpose of this blog. Which is... Well, it's a lot of things. It's an apology and a letter in self defense. I feel like I might be maturing, or perhaps not. Just learning things as I go on. It's a life-long process, or so I hear.

First I must apologize to a boy we've heard enough about. Well he'd probably get offended if I use his name, slander and all that.

I'm not quite sure how to do this. How do you apologize to somone who smashed you like a fucking bug? Killed faster than a bad habit? I'm gonna try, though.

I'm sorry you think you're a failure. It's not true, you're not drinking, and that's a wonderful, wonderful thing. I'm sorry that most people hate you. I don't recall having anything to do with that, but who knows what people say when they're angry? At the same time, the only one of your friends that I recall saying anything to about it was Dennis. I don't remember trying to change his opinion of you, or anything like that. Take this apology for what it is, it's hard for me to do. Listen to me as a person, someone who's known more or less everything about you for what is it, 3 years now? Huh, almost. But really. You're not a failure and as much as I dislike you for what you did to me, you're NOT A FAILURE. You're good at a lot of stuff. Like the guitar, and singing, and stuff. You're a good artist--remember Grandma Hokinaki or whatever her name was? She was awesome. And you appreciate good music, that's a good thing, right? So you've had some problems, and aren't too good with people skills. And you owe me my ring (the one with the bear paws, don't get any misconceptions from that!! ). Besides that you're an all right guy. Don't get any misconceptions about yourself just because of your past. That's not what matters anyway. You learn things for the future, you live things for the future. Not the past.

Huh, me and my self-sacrificing ways () It's true, there are some that I care enough about as people that I don't like having them feel bad. God, what's my problem? I could never REALLY exact revenge. Too nice, I guess. Haha me nice? No, I just have an extreme need to make people who have suffered enough on their own not suffer too much for me. Got that? Don't punish yourself more than you need to.

I should take my own words to heart, huh.

Anger is nothing compared to compassion. Not here, anyway. That's why I always forgave him. I could never handle his face--his expression of sadness. Enough to break down even the strongest bitch, which I am not. I am weak.

Could've killed my mom, huh? Just kidding.

Anyway, so much for my self defense. Sometimes I change my mind, too. I don't need to defend myself. Everyone knows I was hurt. It's the cause and effect. I'm not worrying about my effect anymore, not on me.

Amen, Take Care, Love Freely.