After reading this and your previous post on the topic, I felt I might toss in my male perspective on the matter. And to comiserate (sp?) as I go through much the same torment as you do. I've also dealt with a girl who has some of the same emotional hurdles to overcome that you do. I've also read your "Why I Rule" articles (not saying anything against them, just how I can best sum them up).

First off, I feel the same way about a vast amount of what you said in this post. I have developed negative feelings towards most of the typically "couple" activities and writhe in my own form of agony when I'm forced to watch others partake in said activities with their significant other. I have also tried to do those things and failed at them. I think our greatest failing in this area is that we try too hard, that we can't make things happen, that they just have to take their natural course and if they were meant to be they were meant to be. Knocking yourself out trying to be the one to make all the right moves will just burn you out.

Yes, people can smell fear to some extent, as fear usually manifests itself in us as a lack of confidence, which is really hard to hide. Throughout high school and the majority of college I had severe self-image issues, and these came out in my physical mannerisms, my speech and how I interacted with other people. Anyone who met me during those 7 or so years were able to identify right away that I had no self-confidence of any kind, and that made me unattractive despite whatever else I had to offer (and hence my extreme shortage of dates in that same period of time).

There's a girl whom I've had feelings for, for well on 8 years now that have caused greater and lesser amounts of stress for our friendship. At different times I tried to broach the subject of dating with her (usually whenever physical indicators showed interest or attraction), every time things were discussed and fleshed out a little further, we got closer and closer to some sort of resolution, but every time the same result came to pass. She said no, things were awkward between us for a period, then back to normal and a year or so later the cycle would start again. For her it wasn't so much saying no because she was not attracted to me, or didn't want to date me, it has always been her fears that hold her back. She is like you in that she wants the ability to have a relationship, to care for someone and be cared for in return, but she can't yet open herself up to something like that, she can't take that final step and make that leap of faith that is necessary to initiate a relationship.

You can not escape this sort of pain, because by avoiding it you bring about a different sort of suffering. There is nothing wrong with feeling for someone, with having emotions. Denying your emotions or trying to bottle them up only works in the short-term. Eventually you will reach a melt-down point of sorts, where it'll all come welling up and overtake you for a period (I speak from personal experience). It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

If what you say in your "I Rule" articles is true, then you do have a lot to offer any guy you end up with, and that they will be lucky to have you. However, you should also wait until you find someone that you would consider YOURSELF to be lucky to have as well. Do not waste your emotions on those who either will not or can not reciperocate. Doing so will only cause you more pain that in the end can be avoided. At this point, I think you should spend some time focusing on you, what makes you happy, how you want to be treated and work on forming that part of your personality. It will help you sort out the good guys from the bad, and it will make it a lot easier to get started in a relationship.

Having just finished college, and having gone through the dicussion with my friend for the last time, I feel I've figured out enough about myself, and learned enough to actually truely open up, to let myself fall. It takes time, it takes bad experiences, it takes good experiences and it also takes a little bit of blind faith to figure it all out.

How could noone have fallen for you yet? im just reading these things you are writing yet i feel a strange pull or tug within me, wanting me to get to know you better. hmm... i say trust yourself, who better to trust right? being hurt is a part of life, its either you go forward to face something new or stay inside feeling sorry for yourself because of someone who hurt you. Dont be afraid. life is truly too short for us to hide from living the way we wish to live.

Aren't you scared, though???

Aren't you scared, though???

Me? I'm completely and absolutely terrified! You're never going to feel completely safe, never going to get rid of that nagging fear, that knot in your stomach when you go up to a guy to talk to him... it never goes away. What you need to do is learn how to master it, how to live with it and not let the fear control you. After going through that mess with my friend, and finally fully recovering from my last relationship, I feel I'm ready to make that plunge again, to open myself up for the potential pain, because I stand to gain so much the risk isn't enough to keep me from it. It's still frightening to me, it's not going to be easy either, but once I find someone to make that plunge for, I'll do it... trembling, shaking and stuttering all the way

From my experience, you have to learn to find happiness with yourself. I know it sounds cliche but it is when you stop looking (or trying as you put it) that you will find your soul mate. I spent my teens feeling scared that I would never be loved. The problem with me then wasn't guys, it was me. Once I learned to be happy with myself and convince myself that I would be okay no matter what, my husband (who had stopped looking also) came into my life.

Best wishes.

You know, to tell you the truth i had the worst fear of all once. my fear was that everything i went for (relationships, bussiness and a lot of other things). i only had a girlfriend when i was in college. yup i was the shy guy in high school or at least around girls. i felt that hey i would look like a loser if i failed in courting blah blah. so i never tried. its a good thing i realized that you become more of a failure if you dont even try. once i was in college i was able to grow balls . if you are confident with yourself and you have friends that support you, you will have less things to fear that before. and of course as jilluser said be happy with yourself.

(ANNE) though im hated I must say whatever it is you wanted to acomplish you have I am not very liked by anyone though it doesnt bother me, it is frustrating.
I must apologize for false hopes & being a (failure) but thats (me) as you know.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BE!!!!!!!! YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??

by the way this isnt reguarding whatever it is you wrote in this categorie excuse me for the confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??

Deary, I have no idea whether your comment was cruel or kind. Never can tell with you, can I? Well, I'm going to take it as kind until you tell me other wise, I don't like negative thoughts, even as a pessimist, and the confusion is mutual, eh? Take care dear. Love freely.