I walked into the diner, not feeling too sure about my interview with Keila Katterson, the newest big celebrity. To be completely honest and off the record, I'm not really sure HOW she got famous, she just is. You know, one of those overnight sensations, and suddenly she's all over the place. I think she got a date with some big star to some awards show and after that everyone has been saying hi to her. Anyway, I wasn't sure how she would act. I'd seen her in other magazines, looking fancy, rich and cool as shit, and I figured she'd be like that today.

My first impression, of course, turned out to be different. She was wearing a really boring track suit and a huge trucker hat, and looked totally inconspicuous. Of course, without piles of makeup (I really shouldn't be saying this) no one really even noticed her anyway.

"Hi, I'm Laura Jenkins, you're Keila Katterson," I said with a generous smile. I purposely said my name first, to mess with her head. Celebrities hate it when you don't address them first, and I like to psych them out and act like I didn't know of any code of conduct.

"Yes, I'm Keila, nice to meet you Laura," she replied. I caught that she mentioned me second, as if she were trying to put me in my place. I secretly smirked.

I sat down next to her, and immediately started asking questions. I immediately noticed her eyes were very red and swollen. She was a junkie.

"Yeah, yeah, I like to go out and party, and shit," she said. I've forgotten to mention she's barely twenty. "We like to hit the big clubs, and shit, and there's all these gorgeous rich people and all these hot guys buying me Cristal and shit, but man, I tell ya, all I really wanted to drink was Absolut-Red Bull, at least at that one club. I swear like seven guys bought me Cristal! Course, I couldn't drink it all so I had to share it with my girlies. Oh! My girlies were so crazy and shit that night! You should've seen us. Of course, you don't seem to be the partying type, after all you're a reporter."

I smiled, wanting to smack her. "Well, I'm a journalist, really," I replied extra sweetly. "But enough about partying. What we're really interested in is hearing about a boy? Any certain boyfriends?" I hated asking these questions. I mean, I really don't give a shit what actress is fucking what musician, and what musician is fucking what model, and what actor is dating whose publicist. But it is my job, and I'm paid to do it.

Keila immediately lit up. You could tell she wasn't one of those celebrities who like to keep things private. Keila is just like a Paris Hilton, or something, minus the sex tapes (so far).

"Well, as a matter of fact, Andy Dimm, you know, the son of Melissa Dimm, that really gorgeous Hispanic actress in the seventies-"

"Yes," I interrupted. "What about Andy? You're dating?"

She started, then smiled, probably remembering some drunken or coked-up night. "Yes, Andy. Oh, wait, well, no, we're not dating. He did take me to a bitchin' rave, and shit, oh, I shouldn't have said rave, we went to a 'club' party, you know, those exclusive nights? But we're not seeing each other, or anything, but I did also go on a few dates with Rod Millien, he's on the bitchin' new WB show, you know, his character is that Robby Wonderful, or something. You know? He's hot. I like him! He says really big words, and shit, so I don't always know what the fuck he's talking about, or anything, but he's real cute, and he took me to a few really bitchin' parties."

The rest of the interview was like this. She went on about bitchin' parties, "and shit," and who's who in who she's dating, or at least fucking at random parties, and her girlies. Thank God I'm a talented journalist who can turn around a brainless X-head B-rate celebrity into a hot, private, slightly mysterious and sexy "up-and-coming actress". And people actually pay me to do this.