So in the midst of smoking a oney the horrid fear swept into my vulnerable mind that I'd pretty much "turned into" my ex boyfriend, you know, picking up his bad habits and good habits and pretty much doing with myself what he did, and i was like shit no!
And then I began to look about me freakishly and realized, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING! I mean, seriously, I haven't at all. As I look around my room, I realize with a pleased smile that I haven't turned into anyone at all, not anyone but me. Everything is so different from any one person at all, it can only be me. Some things have been influenced, sure, I mean, how else would I start smoking or drinking? But everything else is so wonderfully unique to me and only me and it feels great. I know I'm not the only one who loves Brad Nowell but I know I'm the only one who both loves Brad Nowell, wants to write and illustrate children books like the Berenstain bears, and used to listen to DMX like he was a prophet OR a good rapper!!
I'm the only one who's gone about two weeks without ANY artificial light in my bedroom in the middle of the winter, whose pinky finger has a permanent inch long scar from a Blizzard machine, and who stepped on a rusty nail while haunted house searching, filling a shoe with blood, and was "rushed" to the ER 19 hours later!
Who else has those haunted house hunting memories besides me and a group of about six others? We didn't all hang out in school, but we got together more than twice to hunt through haunted houses in the area. It was a thing between just us. All sorts of non-scary (but equally soooo scary!) stuff happened to us, and we even broke in to a house!! Bad us!! No one knows besides us though and nothing was really hurt... besides it was worth it! How else could we get those memories?
You know what, I've had a really wonderful life up til now. I mean, it may have been weird as hell but it was ALL very exciting, even the painful parts like when the ex and I broke up, or when a five hundred pound fourwheeler landed on my ankle bone and Jeff carried me to the car and walked me around the fair (he was such a BABE!!), or when I smashed my kneecap. But it was all so wonderful and most of these memories are remembered only between the people they happened to and therefore are so much more amazing and wonderful. I have ten novels full of wonderful happenings and secrets in my head and no one will ever read them. I don't want anyone to!!
No one else is deserving enough to know of my most wonderful thoughts and memories.
Wow, I'm starting to love life a lot more as I'm growing up.
~Me