[I was reading an article by Unfairman and I liked it a lot. I wrote a great reply to it, and I decided I liked the reply so much that I would repost it as an article. It shows my superb wit and my weird, weird mind.
Read on!]
You wanna know something?
Those Penny Donation things make me mad.
Hear me out, though.
They make me mad for a very good reason. One day when I was very stoned, I went to the local pizza place with my friend, and I was standing in front of said Penny Eater thingy jingy. I wanted to put in a dollar, and there was no easy way to do it. (This is one of the penny muncher men, you know, those funny yellow guys?) I was furious. I wanted to give those blind kids a dollar more than anything on earth at that moment, and there just was no way to do it!!! So I had to deposit a quarter, which made me very angry.
Then I got to thinking, just what good my quarter would do. What is it, like seven minutes?
Well, that pissed me off even more. My stupid quarter didn't do a crap of good. My good will was a damned waste. I want those blind kids to go to camp more than anything in the world, and I REALLY did at that point. I got to calculating in my mind just how much money those poor kids need to go to camp for a week, and got even more furious because I just don't have that money!! And I didn't like to think that some poor blind kid could only go to camp for seven minutes thanks to me, and if I only had more money, he'd be able to go for much longer!
And I got to thinking about how that poor blind kid could be in the middle of riding a horse (like they often do in promo pictures) and I wondered, what if that poor kid I sent to camp is in the middle of riding a horse when his quarters run out? And he just had to get off his horse, pack his bags and go home?
Then I got to thinking about how damned ridiculously priced those blind kid camps are. I didn't have enough money to send a blind kid to camp, and I bet mostly everyone else doesn't either. Jeez, I would take a blind kid horse back riding and canoeing and to pet bunny rabbits for free for a week!! I would give him that big jar of quarters and pennies and stuff and tell him to put it in the bank for college. Bunnies and horse back riding shouldn't be so damn expensive. These poor kids can't even see what they're doing, they shouldn't have to pay for something they can't even see!!
So I decided that when I get older and rich I'm going to buy a lot of horses and bunnies and a river and a bunch of canoes and put an article in the local newspaper letting families of the blind know that their kids can come stay in cabins I've set up along my river for a week and do all the blind kid camp things for FREE.
That's REAL charity, folks.
~Anne