This is Anne... Complete and Real
In Order For A Better Body
Published on March 24, 2004 By Tangled Wishes In Diet
There are lots of tiny girls out there. I've known it for a while. I've pretended not to be bothered by it. I told myself that they have bad personalities, or they're ugly, or something like that. I tried to make myself feel better about not being tiny.

But it's all come to an end.

I used to have a visible four-pack. It was sexy as hell. Of course, that was three years ago, when I was in gym class every day, but still. I can change that. I need to change that. I can't handle it anymore.

I don't like looking at my stomach when it isn't flat all the way down anymore. I don't like that little pudge that it's got. Something's got to be done, and it's got to be done now! I need to be in tip-top shape for the summer, so I can run about in my Ralph Lauren swimsuit and feel sexy as hell!!

It does bother me that I have to push myself to fit in to a demeaning standard in order to be accepted as a beautiful woman. It does bother me that I'm not automatically size three, but I'm 5 feet 9 inches tall and I have big bones. I could never be a size three. It's physically impossible for me. And it does bother me that my mother wasn't blessed with a tiny figure, and so neither was I. I don't like the fact that I can never share clothes with some of my friends. I don't like the fact that next to some people I look huge, even if I'm not. I don't like the fact that I can no longer fit perfectly into my size nine prom dress. I don't like the fact that when I go into stores, it's not as easy to find my size as it was before, since I've gained weight. I'm not a whale, I'm not even very big, I just don't fit in the stereotype.

And I shouldn't want to fit into that stereotype! I shouldn't want to have a 26 inch waist! I should be happy with myself the way I am. I should accept the body I'm in and love it for what it is.

But since I've peaked at the weight I am now, I haven't even been hit on by a single guy. I know, I know, that doesn't measure my self worth. But to be suddenly not attractive to males is totally crushing.

So I'm willing to give up the bigger tits I have from having gained weight, in order to be closer to perfect. In order to be better. I can't just smile and say, I'm hot as hell the way I am! Because I'm nineteen and I'm not 125. I probably never will be 125, and if I ever am, it will be disgusting and unhealthy.

But I don't ever want to be 190, and not even to say thats a big size at all... It's just... not good enough for me. And it's okay to me if it's good for someone else. I wouldn't even think of someone as gross or anything like that if they weigh 190. But I never want to go there. I want to be tiny. And since I can't be tiny, then I'll have to settle with smaller.

That's just the way life goes these days.

Who set these ridiculous standards, anyway????

~Anne

Comments
on Mar 24, 2004
develope a jaded sense of beauty!

Trinitie
on Mar 24, 2004
hey tangled, how yooooooooooooou doin'?

btw, you're not the only one who thinks they could look better. i haven't done any real physical activity for months...

on Mar 24, 2004


on Mar 24, 2004
I don't know how many men find women with developed abdominal muscle sexy. Personnaly, I think that women should be a little more curvy that too flat. As a general advive You should think about revealing your own and personnal beauty instead of trying to fit other standard.

let me explain, here in UK, you see the friday eve full of young lady all dressed the same, showing the more flesh they can, regardless the way they look, and it is quiet horrible, because not everybody can actually look good like this. nevertheless they just try to imitate pop fashion, they fail.'
In france, ladyies tend to develop their own style, showing not too much, not too less, and in agreement with their shape and taste. it is so much better..

Anyway if you prefer fitting in a standard, I wish you good luck!
on Mar 24, 2004
I totally hear you.
I feel the same way, most of the time.
It's a standard put forth by the fashion industry. (That's what I think.) Models have become
the "look" for all to achieve. No matter how unhealthy it looks. (some look very unhealthy)
And your right, you shouldn't worry about what others think. That's the real challenge.
I struggle with it everyday!
Anyway, good luck with fitting into your Ralph Lauren swimsuit!
on Mar 24, 2004
I say we go back to the Renaissance Age, because I personally like Strong and Tall women. During the Renaissance you were beauitful if you had curves. Well, I shouldn't say that should I? I say, be what you wanna be.
on Mar 24, 2004
I know I shouldn't want to try to conform to standards. I'm glad I have creativity in the way I dress and stuff, but still. It does suck a lot. It's hard to be gorgeous to myself if I don't feel gorgeous to anyone else. It's all a vicious cycle. And I know you're supposed to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

I know it all. It doesn't make it any easier!!!

I do fit in my RL swimsuit, I just look all jiggly and stuff! LOL that sounds all wrong. I'm not completely happy with my body right now. I have been before. I just have to do work to be happy again.

~Anne
on Mar 24, 2004
Hey Anne, are you the one that quoted India Arie in a blog or comment. Try listening to "Video" if you've got it... it makes me feel better about myself.

"... I ain't built like a supermodel, but I learn to love myself unconditionally because I am the queen...when I look in the mirrior the only one there is me; every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be. And I know what God created; didn't make no mistakes on me. My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I'm lovin' what I see"

Smile!!! Cheerio
on Mar 24, 2004
ah, Sarah, what a wonderful song. I , too, love that one, as well as a few more of hers.

Trinitie
on Mar 25, 2004
Image Image Image...

I am so sick of this crap!!!! It doesn't matter how you look, as long as you are comfortable with how you feel. If you want to lose the weight, go ahead, but only do it because YOU want to. Not because you are worried what other people think...

I am going insane here...

BAM!!!
on Mar 25, 2004
Don't fret; you'll make that all important summer fit into your new bathing suit! Cheers.
on Mar 25, 2004
I have a friend who is overweight by any standard. She is always being hit on by guys. This what she does. She wears nice clothes that fit a little tight. She has blonde hair that is always groomed. She wears makeup with eyeliner on the bottom. She is friendly to everyone and has that fliracious look. She is pretty but not beautiful. So if you want what she has, then don't leave the house without fixing your hair, your makeup and dressing well. In addition, learn to flirt. I don't know if it is worth the hassle of having a bunch of guys hanging around but it works for her.
on Mar 26, 2004
Attitude is everything.  I know a lot of "not so thin" women who have great social lives.  If *you* have a problem with yourself, everyone else will, too.  Wear clothes that fit you well- don't worry about the size.  Stay at a healthy weight for health reasons, not aesthetics.  Only 3% of the population looks like a super model, so don't worry about it.  On the flip side, if you see that you continue to gain weight, start paying attention.  Not being toned is different than continually gaining weight.  For what's its worth, most men don't really find models sexy.  Most of the time, I have heard men call them "scary" more than sexy.  There is nothing wrong with some feminine curves.  If men didn't like curves, the song "I like big butts" would have never been so popular
on Mar 26, 2004


You guys make me feel good! I mean, it's not like you're complimenting me, but it's like, you tell me to be happy with myself. Which is the most important. The golden rule. I am feeling pretty happy with myself... Probably because I'm doing Pilates every day and the sun is shining and I'm not worrying about a date. I want to comfortable in my skin, and I know that it might take me a little while to learn to love my body more, but that's okay. I've got nothing but time

~Anne