I haven’t seen much in life. I’ve never seen the starving African kids begging for food and money like they do on TV. I’ve never seen the Spanish sunset. I’ve never looked into my husband’s eyes and seen his love staring back at me. I’m not even married. Hell, I’m hardly out of high school.
But I have seen a lot. I’ve seen two of my best friends’ lips gray and cold in the velvet cushions of a coffin. I’ve seen my sister snort more blow than you thought was humanly possible. I’ve seen the ass end of too many bottles to count. I’ve seen so much marijuana smoke in my car I couldn’t even see the road. I’ve seen rails in front of my face so long you’d think your entire face would go numb before you finished them. I’ve seen mailboxes turn into deer and back into mailboxes again. I’ve seen my nostrils turned completely blue because of all the painkillers I snorted. I’ve seen blood run down my wrists from the cuts I made. I’ve seen too much.
The emptiness of my youth was vast and seemingly unconquerable. No matter how many tears I cried I could never drown the pool. There was never anything that was big enough to fill it. There was never enough love.
I used to wonder where it all began. Time after time I would go back to the place where it all started, those youthful days where some random neighbor boy took my innocence away. Was that where I lost my life, or was it some forgotten event long before then? Was my life gone before I even left my mother’s womb?
I've seen too much.