Today when I realized how very fucked up my life has become I laughed. I laughed out loud. I like that I can find humor in the wreckage around me. I wonder when the rushing will leave my ears... Years have gone by and FINALLY I have choked on my tears till there is nothing left. Which, coincidentally, is true. Despite the fact that I desperately hate the position I am in right now, I am going to sit it out and see what all happens. This is too interesting for me to miss. If only...

Reason Number One: The song Angie. TJ sang that song to me the night he broke my heart, only he changed the name to Anne (pronounced Annie, a nickname that my boys used to call me ). I was too drunk to know the words, and when I looked them up the next day I cried for I don't know how long. "Anne you're beautiful, ain't it time we said goodbye? Angie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried?" Well if that wasn't devastating enough, coming at the time that it did with th...

I've been pretty nasty these past few days on here, and I feel bad because it's pretty out of character for me. I try to stay away from political issues on this because my ineloquent language tends to get me into trouble (that doesn't explain these past few days, these past few days I've just been an asshole clear and simple). My eyes were closed in pain and I forgot to open them and realize the rest of the world has their own pains, too. At least as far as I guess. Does anyone know someone w...

I'm going to write another intelligent hate blog for everyone to comment on. Hahahaha that was really funny for me I wonder if people will respond to this, as I had no idea any one would to my last. Maybe I should throw out some words like fuck, and shit, and damn fat heads so that people will think I'm trying to intelligently argue for my own politcal party. If I say I'm a feminist, how are people going to react? "Women aren't discriminated against anymore today. Your fight is over....

Lol, I have to laugh at my title. I have decided today that I am JoeUser's least-read blogger, and I've also decided that that deserves some sort of recognition, so there it is! Were this a prestigious award, my acceptance speech would go something like: "dear non-friends and non-enemies who have awarded me with the distinguished title of 'JoeUser's Most Unread Blogger', I am quite proud of my achievements and completely intend on keeping on doing what I've been doing all along... I...

I realized tonight that the Beach Boys are a great stoner band. I mean, they just sound so great when you're baked... Particularily the song "Free Flows". I am so serious, nothing has sounded better to my ears while stoned before, except for maybe the really hard industrial beats on that DJ Irene CD when it sounds like a freight train. That blows my mind, too. I guess this means Brian Wilson is a freaking genius, huh. Of course he is. I've been doing the musical genius worshipping these la...

I had a pretty good weekend. I left this morning with the sunrise. I haven't seen the sunrise in a few years now and it's pretty much the only thing I miss about big time partying. I guess I miss that about dating too. Joe spent the night Friday night. Nothing to report, i probably snored or something totally embarrassing like that. He's a good guy. I'm considering another guy that I have already been interested in for a few weeks now, and I'm pretty sure he's interested in me. I ha...

I know that if I can just make it through these next few days, everything will be all right. I know that. I also know these next few days are going to be sooooooo hella hard, and I know that because these last few days have been so unimaginably hard. I was able to get through them because I thought they were going to be the last, I kept telling myself, "it's okay if you only have one bag of popcorn left, and only one bottle of water left, you're getting money on monday, so it's okay. You'll g...

I'm so sad and I can't stop crying. I'm sooo broke and there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, up until now I've at least had change so I could do my laundry when I need to. I don't have any food except dried noodles for soup, salad dressing and salad topping stuff. I don't have any water, and the Morris water gives me diarrhea since I'm not used to it so I cant drink it or else I'll get sick... I only have seventy five cents to my name, that's all the money I have except for a few penn...

I never remembered crap about my childhood before, just the HUGE events. Christ, I can barely remember any of my friends throughout all of elementary and middle school. But this music is bringing it all back, and it's all coming so strong it's like flashbacks. I'm getting a rush of adrenaline from remembering. THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I REMEMBER MY YOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Things are really changing around here, in my life. A lot of things are happening. I've been changing, changing, changing and everything is in the process right now. I know that things are changing, I can feel it, I can see it. I'm not sure, but it might be wonderful. "Was it come as a surprise to think that I was so naive? Maybe didn't mean that much but it meant everything to me." It's weird. I've made my way back to my roots and I almost feel like I've reached a balance. Or I'm tryi...

Don't you feel like that sometimes? I do. So tonight a friend from my hometown (who moved fairly near where I go to school) called me tonight, and we're talking, and then she mentions something about someone saying that I picked up a really bad drug habit, or something along those lines, like, hard drug habit or what was it, that I'm really into hard drugs right now and I'm like, uh, what? It was a funny thought first of all because where I was at the time was a Christian coffee shop wh...

I don't know and I don't care if I ever will see you again... And it comes to mind that as soon as I say that I think the opposite, and I feel so vengeful. Wish for a perfect setting? Wishing that I am letting you take me where you want me all over again? You can't give yourself absolutely to someone else. Anyone else. And I'm angry. I hate everything about the way everything turned out, and there are few days when it doesn't cross my mind how fucked up things were, always were. ...

It seems like a ridiculous thought to "get help". My bangs aren't all so bad, and I know it. Don't get me wrong, I still have them passionately, but I've seen people do MUCH more damage with their bangs than me (APRIL!!!). Things seem like they're being ridiculously dramatic. I thought I wanted to write, but I've decided I don't. Fuck that. Fuck it.

I burned my bangs today. They were at THE PERFECT length. Just right. Just the way I had always wanted them. And then I got up and looked at my hair in the mirror. There was a funny light beige thing coated on the ends of some, and i instantly knew, even though I'd never seen it before. My hair was BURNED. Severely. I had to cut my bangs shorter!!! Tragic. And sooo friggin depressing. i had my little sad attack and now I'm better. Mostly because I can't see it... My mood is goi...